Saturday, April 18, 2015

Amelia Kate

Amelia is turning 3 next week, and I haven't written a single thing about her other than little ditty's here and there throughout my blog. My own mom kept a pretty good journal about me for the first year of my life, and then made up for the other years with about 6 loaded scrapbooks of my life, all in chronological order, and darling detail, which I doubt I will be doing for each of my kids. A part of me is feeling some "mom shame", but to be honest, I have spent the last 3 years trying to get to know and understand this little gal, and I think it's only been recently that I've gotten a handle on understanding her personality, and all of it's beautiful parts. So this post is for her, while she is still my one and only.

Amelia, sometimes when I think about you, I feel as though I have known you forever. Something about your presence makes me feel like I have another adult my age in the room. You are an old soul- serious and contemplative. When you are hamming things up (which is usually hysterical), your timing is oddly on point, and when you scold me (something that comes natural to you) I often feel like I owe you a detailed explanation of sorts. You are deeply caring, extremely structured, and your grandpa Pat calls you "precocious".  Your dad and I adore you.

When you were a little baby, becoming increasingly aware of the world around you, you would do these little crunches or sit ups, trying desperately to lift your head. You would do them so consistently and so often that eventually whoever was watching you would just start to laugh. I don't know what you were trying to achieve, but I remember thinking that you would be a strong personality, and I was right. You are quite the little boss in our house, and very opinionated on how things should be run. You are organized (I could do a whole post on that by itself), and have no problem taking the reigns. You want to help me ALL the time, and when you are not organizing your toys, you are tucking all of your animals and baby's in bed, and setting food next to each one of them. I always find my missing hand towels around the house, covering your beloved toys while they "nap". You are SO excited for your little sister to come, and constantly hug my tummy, and want to look at all of her clothes, and tiny diapers. You are a natural care taker, which is one of the abilities your dad blessed with you, that I already see coming to life.

You talked from a very early age and are extremely good at expressing yourself. You have a keen ability to recognize music and repeat songs that you hear. One of your favorite movies is The Wizard of Ozz, and you hum the musical scores that play at the beginning with out missing a note (naturally, this makes your uncle Patrick and grandpa Pat ecstatic;). With everything going on in that little mind of yours, you were late to walk, and are EXTREMELY cautious with anything physical. I still can't get you to go down a slide without a meltdown. When you were 2 1/2 I tried to take you skiing which ended in disaster, and while I can't help but wonder if you are missing out sometimes, I absolutely adore these parts of you!

When you play with your friends you tend to be fiery, and like to take control; you have a lot of "ideas" on how playtime should go. You have a natural inclination to lash out when you are angry or frustrated (wonder who you got that from;), and like rules to be followed. The nursery leader the other day told us that you refuse to sing the songs if they do any "silly" renditions, because "that's not the way it goes". You can be a hard crowd sometimes- but you are constantly making everyone around you laugh. The other day we asked you:

 "Amelia what is your favorite kind of bird?"
 and you quickly replied:
 "My favorite kind of bird is a pink frog!"

You are also deeply sensitive and kind. When you are not crying out of frustration, you are crying because your feelings have been hurt. You are really aware of the other people around you, and sometimes when someone is mimicking something funny you did, you burst into tears. You are very sensitive to anyone who looks at you in a public place. When this happens you run up to me almost every time and say "mom that boy was looking at me!" which is somehow offensive to you. But if you notice anyone around you crying, or who might have gotten hurt, you are so worried, and think of multiple ways to help until the problem is solved, which usually involves a blanket, or a hug. We usually have to talk it out for awhile afterwards.

You are independent and enjoy playing in your room by yourself, or somewhere quiet. Chaos makes you very upset, as do loud noises. When you were 2 years old we tried to do fireworks with you in the parking lot, and while your friend Olive, who is about 4 months younger than you was having a fabulous time, you were absolutely hysterical. We have talked about this incident multiple times, and I think you are ready to try again this year;) You LOVE animals. you are very interested in rocks, and bugs, and the color pink. You love dresses. I once tried to put a black shirt on you and you said "No! that's YOUR shirt mom". and then cried. You flip any words that are paired, backwards. Such as: case suit, key cars, etc. and we think it's pretty cute.

At night time when we put you down for bed, you usually run quite the circus. But eventually, when you finally lay your head on your pillow and the lights are turned down, you reach up and grab me by the neck and say "That's my girl, mom" and give me a kiss. or 3 or 4. Sometimes you mimic me, and whisper to me that I'm "so cute", or "so good" or "so special". You also like to give dad a hug, pat him on the back and call him your "little guy". 

Being your mom is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I love you Mills. 


Thursday, April 9, 2015

Easter Sunday 2015

 First off: I love any holiday where I get to wrap up a present of some sort. I am aware that my almost 3 year old daughter wouldn't notice the difference between a basket and a cardboard box (actually, if you know Amelia, that statement may be up for question) but its one of the small creative outlets I allow time for these days. This is also documentation of how good Amelia had it when she was an only child. Live it up kiddo;)

We also surprised her with 5 baby chicks, which was like...the most entertaining thing to watch EVER. Poor little peeps. 
But really, getting your kid a chick on Easter is like one of those parental bucket list things, like a puppy under the Christmas tree... or a car on your 16th birthday? (Nope not happening). So we were like "high five" and put a check on our cool parenting list.
 This counts as good for like the next 10 years right?

 Chris and Amelia, both on cloud 9 <3

* Noteworthy: Chris set up a video camera over the box where our chickies live, which he checks through his phone periodically throughout the day, and sometimes in the night. Pretty much, if he's on his phone, that's what he is looking at. I obviously have to do a prank. 

After watching General Conference, we went to my parents for dinner and an egg hunt:

 Amelia always likes to put her arms around both of our necks, and pull all 3 of us close together until our cheeks touch (she is currently trying to figure out how to get the baby peeps to do this with her). It's one of my most favorite things in the whole world, which is why I love some of the pics below so much!

(It's a hard knock life)

 Somehow Amelia and Archer showed up in matching outfits. it was too good. 
During the hunt Archer kept on giving Amelia his eggs, which she gladly accepted. Also he was barefoot and kept on getting pine-needles in his foot, so he was tiptoeing around, which was the cutest thing ever. 

Amelia on a MISSION:

Below: Hansel and Gretel show off their eggs.

Then we had dinner, and Scott (Madi's BF) got my dad to play some weird game where you try to knock each other over. And my dad kept loosing for a lot of reasons. I'm pretty sure it was some sort underlying gang initiation though- so welcome aboard Scott. You passed. 
Also: I have no idea what Amelia and Archer had for dinner that night, I'm pretty sure Amelia just had some olives off the table, and easter candy from her eggs? And that folks, is indication that the gathering was a success;)

I usually keep spiritual thoughts to myself, but: The last couple years I have become so aware of how easily I  let fear dictate my life. I have always been this way to a degree, but once I had Amelia, the feeling magnified by 1000, and at times seems almost paralyzing, especially when I think about everything I can't control (which is pretty much everything;). During this pregnancy especially, I have had such a high degree of fear and anxiety that something would go wrong with the baby, or that my delivery would have complications, that in January I decided my new years resolution would be "my year of no fear". For the most part I have tried to stop negative thinking, and just push forward any time I start to feel fearful about the future, but there has been nothing that has lifted me more than my relationship with Christ. I have knelt down so many times the last few months, when I have felt overwhelmed and unsure, or when any amount of logic couldn't surpass the negativity, and been completely enveloped in peace. In a book I was reading called "Power Vs. Force" by David R. Hawkins, is a chart on consciousness. At the bottom of the chart is shame, and at the very top of the chart (before "enlightenment") where I thought there would be "love" is actually peace. The concept of the ability to travel through this life with peace even through all the pain we will most likely encounter (which is a theme that travels through both Eastern and Western religion), is so beautiful to me. All throughout Easter Sunday, I just felt such an enormous amount of gratitude that no matter what hardships I have to bear, or grief I experience, there is a source of light I can turn to, that will lift the weight and replace it with peace. There isn't room for fear if we truly believe that. I'm working on always believing it. The faith part is a work in progress. I believe that Christ is real. It's something that every fiber of my being understands, and the more I lean into that, everything falls into place. No amount of words could adequately describe my feelings toward him. He is the Prince of Peace, he is the ultimate healer, and the symbol of mercy and forgiveness. I need every bit of that. My gratitude couldn't ever be enough, but I'm glad that we have one day a year especially set aside to remember his sacrifice.